Tuesday 16th August

Initial Diagnosis
Not the greatest day of my life!

At the start of the morning, I was looking forward to more definitive answers about what is causing me so many problems. By the end of the day, I had more information and all of the news was bad. I

I had the CT scan at midday and I don't think I had any idea of the outcome. The afternoon passed slowly, but I didn't really imagine what the outcome would be.

We had given up on getting any information until tomorrow. Sue was just about to go home when we were approached by a posse of doctors!

The scan did produce some results.

(1) A mass on the right side of my large intestine .. probably bowel cancer
(2) A lump on the liver .. probably liver cancer.
(3) Degeneration to the bones of my right pelvis.

Overall, prognosis is very bad.

Sue was devastated. I felt as if someone had kicked me in the goolies.

I forced Sue to phone Chris, who came immediately into the ward. Sharing the news with a 3rd party was helpful and we started to make plans for when to tell others. I have consciously decided to be positive and upbeat.

- Maybe it isn't cancer.
- Maybe it hasn't spread anywhere else.
- I will cooperate with all the treatments.
- Whatever range of dates they give me, I will beat the longest one!
- There are no absolute rules.


Midnight and sleep is a long way off. I feel the need to share my problems with others and yet, logic tells me that I need to have more confirmed details before talking to anyone else.

Strangely, I now feel better than I have all day. Fear is now being replaced by a sense of anticipation and a desire to find out once and for all what is going on.

Hospital is not a great place to sleep. The ward is very hot. The guy next to me is snoring. Two of the others are talking quite loudly. In the corridor, there are the normal sounds of a hospital, with phones negotiations over beds and alarms.